Gucci Bangalore


The Art of Getting Your Stuff Back

 Sitting on the side of the road, all of our stuff in some other apartment, I was done with Bangalore. I really wanted to pack up my stuff and leave right then and there.

 That’s when one of my most favorite quotes from Winston Churchill came to mind “If you’re going through hell keep going”. That is when I got all my courage back. That is when I realized nothing great is achieved by sitting around, I had to work for it.

If the end result was going to be good, the journey to the result will never be easy, so when life knocks you down to your knees you get back up and punch it in the balls.

 With all this newfound courage I got up. I was motivated, I was going to punch Bangalore in the balls and make it paradise. That is when last night’s pani puri kicked in…. I started puking right on the main road. I’m not joking when I say I almost puked for 10 minutes. I’m done, Bangalore wins. Winston Churchill lied.

My friends carried me to our apartment, which don’t forget is empty. The furniture is somewhere else because of some DIMWITS. I was so tired from all the puking I went to sleep right there on the floor.

 I wake up and to my wonder, all the furniture was back. I was feeling a lot better and I asked my roommate how he got it all back.

“I didn’t, Kuku and Buku got the stuff back.”

“Kuku and Buku? Seriously?”

“It’s one hell of a story listen.”

 So he tells me the story of how the dimwits of Bangalore got back the furniture. They go down to the 2nd floor apartment where our furniture was and this time the door was closed. They knock on the door and this old guy in a vest with tea stains on it comes out. Typical Indian boomer.

“I’m so sorry sir, by mistake we moved some of our friend’s furniture into your apartment. The door was open and we had the floors wrong. So we’ll just take it back and be on our way.”

“What furniture?”

“Eeh! What do you mean what furniture?!”

“I don’t see any furniture.”

“Bro I’m looking at it right now. That plastic chair, THAT’S OURS!”

“What do you mean it’s yours. It’s in MY apartment, how can it be yours?”

“Bro stop playing around or we’ll call the police.”

 The guy replies laughing “Police? And tell them what? Did I steal? Do you have any proof the furniture is yours? Is it in my apartment?”

 Buku chimes in, “He does have a point bro”.

 Kuku was having none of this guys antics and he says, “Listen up! You fat vada pav! If you’re going to mess with us on a technicality, then I will mess with you double the impact.”

“Oh really? What will you do?”

“I’ll piss on your front door.”

“Eeh? What?”

“I will urinate on your front door! Susu, piss!”

“You can’t do that!”

“Why not? It’s not inside the apartment, it’s on the corridor and the corridor is a common area. Also, there’s no sign stating you can’t piss on the corridor”

“You’re not serious, are you?”

Kuku goes on to remove his zipper. “I’ve been drinking red bull for 3 days straight. So the susu will be a little powerful I’d recommend keeping some air fresheners handy.”

“ HEY! HEY! HEY! STOP! You’re going to urinate in a public place!”

 “No, I’m not. It’s a private place. It’s my friend’s apartment corridor.”

 “Okay please stop. Just take the furniture and leave. You dumb morons! My GOD the kids these days!”

 “Says the guy stealing furniture from kids”.

Both of them went inside and took back the furniture. They were so proud of what they had accomplished.

 I sat there staring at my roommate as he finishes the story.

“That is how we got our furniture back. Kuku’s susu saved the day. They were so happy when they came back in with the furniture. It was like that moment when he thought he got a match on tinder (Fake account).”

My roommate continued “I also told them not to be so happy, cause it was them who got us here in the first place.” 

“Something doesn’t feel right. You’re telling me both of them solved the whole problem, without messing up? Something bad is going to happen, my Bangalore senses are tingling.” I replied.

 I got up to check if all of our stuff was back and that’s when my phone rang, it’s Kuku.

I answer it. “Good job on the furniture boys! Didn’t think you’d actually come through.”

“You’re welcome, bro. I actually called you for something else. We’re in the police station right now. Could you come to get us?”

“What? Why? How?”

“Your downstairs neighbor, the guy who had our furniture, he called the police on me for public nudity.”

“Oh my God! You got to be kidding me.”

I ran towards my roommate, grabbed him by the collar, and yelled, “I told you those 2 would mess up in some way. Hasn’t been even 1 month in Bangalore and VOILA! we have already been invited to the police station.”

“The police station? Why?”

“Nothing big, the police officers just want to chill with us. Maybe get some drinks, clubbing…What do you think it’s for!”

“Let me guess..Kuku and Buku?”

“What else.”

-to be continued.


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